Being Well When You're Sick

2010-01-26T12:55:00.003-05:00

My mother - and two teenage boys I never met - changed my ideas about wellness. Here's what happened...

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My Mother and the Teens

Bruises covered one skinny arm and her ankles were a swollen purple mess. Someone had helped her out of bed, but she barely made a dent in the little armchair that faced it.

The drone of her oxygen machine drowned some of her words. But I filled in the blanks from the warmth in her eyes and the smile on her lips near the cut that had just been stitched.

My mother was peaceful.

I couldn’t connect her contentment with her typical crankiness, her frequent falls and last night’s ambulance ride.

Yet, now there was a glow about my mother. It would grow for months, but I wouldn’t understand it for years.

A few weeks later, my wife and I were walking along Lake Ontario. Ahead of us, two teen-age boys skipped from boulder to boulder, tanned muscles flexing in the sun.

As we approached, we realized that their shouts were curses - aimed at someone who wasn’t there. The warm breeze carried their anger long after we passed.

I asked Kathy, “Who do you think is more well? ...my mother ...or those boys?”

And neither of us knew how to answer.

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Who was more well? ...my mother? ...or the teens?

Is physical health the same as wellness?

What pieces of the Wellness Puzzle are most important for you?

Please post your thoughts!!

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That summer, when friends would ask how my mother was doing, I could never respond with just one or two words. So, usually, I’d say something like, “Well, physically she’s a mess, but she’s strong emotionally and spiritually.”

Although her body was dying, her emotional and spiritual "pieces" kept her well.

Now I believe that you’re never too old to be well – regardless of the physical illnesses or limitations you have. You don’t have to stop being well, just because your body is sick. In fact, peace of mind, joy and satisfaction can always grow – because love can always grow.

Love grows when we choose to let go of anger, guilt and fear.

Love plays a crucial role in healing both the mind and the body. But sometimes the best, and most lasting, sign of healing is peace or joy – not physical change.

It is just as wrong to cure without caring, as it is to care without trying to cure.

My hope is that this blog, our materials and our work at the Connections Counseling Service will help you to do both. And I hope that you - by sharing your wishes and wisdom in this blog - will help all of us to be our best.

Light the Way

2010-01-24T15:14:00.000-05:00

     Late one night, a drunk lost his keys in the middle of a dark block. A few minutes later, a friend found him searching for the keys under a streetlight on the corner.
     “Why are you looking here when you lost them in the middle of the block?” his friend asked.
     “Well, the light is better here,” responded the drunk.

Of course we laugh at the foolish drunk. But many of us show a similar lack of common sense in searching for better health. We’ve focused our attention and dollars on what doctors do. However, the greatest – and perhaps easiest - gains will come from focusing on what we do as patients – especially when close to 50% of us don’t follow doctor’s orders.

For the past few years, I’ve asked the same questions to hundreds of people in dozens of settings: “Who has more control over your health? ...The people in Washington debating health care reform? ....Your doctor? ...Or you?”

The response is always the same. Your health depends mostly on you.

Of course, good medical care is important and it should always remain a priority. But you don’t need an appointment to meet the person who controls your health and happiness. All you need is to look in any mirror.

Unfortunately, in our quest for health, the light (and the funding) shines more brightly on what physicians do than what we (patients and caregivers) do. Funding is the best for specialists, and their work is wonderful and important. But care needs to be coordinated to assure that medications and other therapies do not conflict with each other – and patients need to be a full partner in the process.

But when health education is provided, it’s often as fragmented, confusing and spotty as our health care. Many health educators are also specialists – whether it’s in diabetes, exercise, yoga or nutrition. But you need to coordinate your care and your education to get the best outcomes.

Confusion and exhaustion lead to crisis. Both occur when patients and caregivers see each illness and every problem as a totally new challenge - rather than an opportunity to apply lessons that have worked with other problems.

Witness the patients and caregivers who don’t realize that most of the steps to control their high blood pressure can also prevent or control diabetes.

Or consider the man who learns, by chance, about the importance of connecting his care to avoid hospitalizations – but never learns to turn his stress into satisfaction, the best places to call for services; or to share his wishes about the kind of care he wants at the end of life. You can win one battle to improve your health, but still lose the war for wellness if you don’t have a plan that works for every problem.

Or meet the adult daughter who thinks that her path to health and happiness is blocked by the demands of her elderly parents. What if she nevers learns that the same steps that can help her at 47, can also help a grandma who is 77 and a grandson who’s 17?

The Center for Health Management has been shining the light on these issues for the past several years. Our work has been honored by AARP’s Social Impact Award and our research shows that we’re headed in the right direction.

Our related Connections Counseling Service helps individuals, couples and families to find better health, more happiness and greater peace.

Our programs can help you connect the dots between the separate silos of care, and work with your doctor to learn what works.

But we realize that too much light or too much information can be overwhelming. Thus, our task is to provide you with the information you need, when you need it and how you need it – whether it’s a link on the Internet, a video in a hospital room or a story shared in a living room.

Please contact us if you need help to find your path to better health for your mind, body and spirit - or would like to help us light the way for others.

For information about the Center for Health Management, please visit us at http://www.beingyourbest.org/.

The Wellness Puzzle

Being Well When You're Sick

Light the Way